The only times we are officially allowed to eat our cookies are the Sunday evenings leading up to Christmas. My two brothers, grandma, parents and I all cuddle on the couch and listen to Christmas music as we happily eat our Christmas cookies. When I was younger, my dad used to play more upbeat Christmas tunes, and I remember my brothers and I used to dance around the house until we got so tired that we just collapsed on the floor. Now that we’re older (and more dignified of course) we no longer dance around, and instead reminisce about past Christmases.

Every time I eat one of my delicious Christmas cookies, I can’t help but look back on all the Sunday evenings I’ve sat around with my family just enjoying the night. The cookies carry all those memories. Such is the nature of food; it’s universal yet very culturally distinct, and therefore the perfect medium for making memories. I’m sure we all have recipes that remind of special times, whether they be good or bad.

For Older Americans Month, FriendshipWorks is helping to unleash the power of age through food by putting together a cookbook of all of our timeless recipes that carry our favorite memories. If you have a recipe with a story, like my Reese’s cookie, share it with us! You can submit recipes to our Community Cookbook by clicking here! Help us unleash the power of age by sharing the best food and stories we have to offer.

Research over the past decade has suggested that feeling isolated can actually shorten your life. A recent publication that came out in late March 2013 really solidified this warning. This groundbreaking British study tracked 6,500 men and women over a seven-year period. They found that people who lack social contacts, regardless of their underlying health issues, were more likely to die prematurely.

As people grow old many of them find they outlive family members and friends, leaving them to make new connections later in life. While this is not impossible, it becomes more difficult as age and disability create barriers to getting out and meeting new people. Unfortunately, it seems that social connectedness among all age groups has decreased over time. “The proportion of Americans who said they had no one to talk to about important matters grew from 10% in 1985 to 25% in 2004.”

People are becoming more isolated, age and disability make matters worse, and studies continue to show that having limited social contact negatively effects health outcomes. But now we experience a “chicken-and-egg” dilemma because before we can find solutions to the growing problem of isolation we need to understand what comes first. Do illnesses get worse because people are isolated, or do people become isolated because of their illnesses?

The reality for most people is, it’s not that black and white. FriendshipWorks and our volunteers understand that people end up lonely and isolated for many different reasons. We see and hear their stories everyday. And we also see that being a friend in their lives, talking and listening even just once a week can make a real difference. So, should we be aiming for a grand solution to eradicate loneliness in our society? Or do we simply need people to take the time to talk to their neighbors and keep each other connected to the community, regardless of age or disability?

Let us know what you think!

When the holiday began, there were only 17 million Americans who had reached their 65^th birthday (just to give you some perspective, the population of Americans over 65 in 2011 was 41.4 million (Census)). 17 million represented a significant portion of the population then, and over a third of those older citizens lived in poverty. There were very few programs then to meet the needs of older Americans. As a result, in April of 1963, President Kennedy met with the National Council of Senior Citizens to discuss the different ways they could provide for the country’s older citizens. The consequence of this meeting was the designation of May as Senior Citizens Month, which was changed to Older Americans Month in 1980 by President Jimmy Carter.

In 1965 Congress passed the Older Americans Act to address the lack of community social services for older adults. The act also established the US Administration on Aging (AoA) to oversee newly created grant programs that gave the states money to research and develop these community social services (O’Brien, 2013).

Each year, the AoA comes up with a new theme for Older Americans Month. This year the theme is “Unleash the Power of Age.” The theme couldn’t be more appropriate; older Americans have so much life experience and wisdom to share with the rest of us. They are key influential figures in our society, who have an incredible variety of talents and skills that we can all benefit from. This month is the perfect time to recognize how valuable the older members of our society are, and learn from them. So this month, join us in celebrating our older Americans! Pledge today to celebrate Older Americans Month with us by joining our Facebook event! Learn cool facts about aging, recognize an outstanding elder in your life (whether it be a family member, friend, or acquaintance) and get the scoop on all the fun events that will be happening around Boston this month! Click the link here to pledge!

In celebration of Older Americans Month, and all the wonderful people who help reach out to seniors in their community, FriendshipWorks is hosting a special evening to show how much we appreciate all the acts of kindness that occur in Massachusetts every day. The event, Celebrating Kindness, will take place on May 8^th from 6:00 – 8:00PM, at The College Club of Boston. The event will feature an auction, as well as the presentation of the 2013 David Libby Award in Service to Older People and the 2013 Friendship Award. This year we will be honoring Judy Peacott, dedicated PetPals volunteer, and Ann Hartstein, Secretary , Massachusetts Office of Elders Affairs!

The night promises to be a lot of fun, with food, wine and a ton of wonderful prizes up for auction. Just to give you a taste of what will be there: we will be auctioning off box seats to the Red Sox vs. Tampa Bay Rays game, an Autographed Easy Rider Film Montage, Photo Tutoring (for those of you who always wanted to try professional photography) and (my personal favorite) an all-inclusive Spa Day package at the Southwest Day Spa! So join us on May 8^th as we celebrate the kindness that makes a difference in the lives of so many. It’s an evening you won’t want to miss.

Tickets are going fast so make sure to order yours ASAP at the link here! For more information on the event, check out the site’s event page at www.fw4elders.org/celebratingkindness

Hope to see you there!

I don’t think there’s a single person who at some point in their life wouldn’t agree with that phrase. There are always those moments (or long, extended periods of time as I should more accurately call them) when everything seems to be too much. There are emails to check, people to call, problems to solve, work to get finished, and it never seems to end. When all you want to do is grab coffee with friends or curl up on the couch, there’s always that nagging feeling that you should be doing work.

It’s in moments like this when I find I have to take a step back and think a lot about why I do what I do. If I’m so stressed out, and spending so much time doing whatever activity it is that I’m doing I can’t help but wonder – is it really worth it? Do I really enjoy what I’m doing? Am I getting anything out of it? It’s hard sometimes to remember what motivates me when I’m busy. With so many things going on, personal time becomes sacred, and it’s hard to get myself to spend that rare free time doing things for others, like volunteering. Sometimes it feels like the last thing you want to do is spend time helping someone else out when you could be sleeping or taking care of yourself. I think all volunteers experience this sentiment at some point – it’s hard to remember why we volunteer when we’re busy.

Part of it might be that in addition to taking up personal time, volunteering isn’t always fun. There are days when we have to do grunt work, or stay up late editing press releases. There are days when we have to go out for a visit and it’s raining and snowing, or when we have to frantically reschedule our day so that we can accommodate a mix-up in medical appointments. Or there are simply times when YouTube and Facebook become more tempting than normal, and all you want to do is take a nap.

And then there are those times when my grandmother’s friend calls just to hear my voice because her hearing’s not good enough to understand me over the phone. Or when I visit the nursing home where my grandma lives and I see how her face lights up, and how her close friends (my adopted grandmothers) start gushing over me. They gush over how long its been, say they love the letters I sent and ask to hear about the date I just went on. As they talk, all I can see is this joyful gleam in their eyes. Knowing that I’m the reason for that gleam, that simply being there can make someone else that happy gives me my answer. I may forget it sometimes, but knowing how someone’s presence can have that much of an effect on people reminds me. And knowing that all FriendshipWorks volunteers are working to give that gleam to elders across Boston who don’t have it is the real motivation for me when times get stressful.

This week served as an additional reminder for me of why I volunteer. The events that occurred in Boston this week were extremely emotional and stressful for everyone. Many of the victims of the Marathon bombing were volunteers, who had gone out early that morning to support all of the runners and the spirit of the event. And even after the explosions happened, many of the volunteers and runners kept going to help those who had been severely wounded. The fortitude and dedication that those people displayed, that everyone across Boston has displayed in the aftermath of this week’s events, reminds me of why volunteering is so important. We volunteer to help those in our community who need it. To all of the volunteers who take the time out of their busy schedules to help out we thank you this week (as it is National Volunteer Week!). Thank you for helping out and for remembering the reasons why you volunteer so that you can do amazing things. This week, we celebrate your dedication and perseverance.

I like to think that my first driving experience is not representative of my driving career, and I’m confident that I drive much better than I did on that Christmas Tree Farm. I was not an eager driver however, as my grandma always likes to remind me. “Remember when you first started?” she always asks me, “You said you hated it and said you’d never do it. And now you drive all the time!”

 My grandmother, like me, hated driving. While I managed to overcome my dislike, she never did. Luckily my grandfather loved to drive. He was really excited when I turned 16 and began driving. “I miss it,” he used to say, “Enjoy it while you can still drive!” My grandmother explained to me that my grandfather used to drive everyday until one day he went to her and said, “I shouldn’t drive anymore.” He hadn’t gotten into a car accident – he simply realized that he was no longer safe behind the wheel. My grandfather saw all decisions like that; things were what they were and he dealt with them in a straightforward manner. Once he decided he shouldn’t drive, he never drove again.

I like to think that I will be like my grandfather and admit when I can no longer drive safely anymore, but at the same time I find it hard to imagine a time when I wouldn’t be safe behind the wheel. Aging is a difficult process to face, and knowing that it’s difficult doesn’t make it any easier. But being stubborn in these cases, especially with driving, can cause significant safety issues. According to a recent report by the AA Foundation and Carnegie Mellon University, “the rates of deaths involving drivers 75 to 84 is about three per million miles driven – on par with teen drivers. Once they pass age 82, vehicular rates jump to nearly four times that of teens” (Neporent 2012). And that’s without including those who suffer from age-related diseases such as dementia. Elderly crash rates exceed those of teenage boys who are typically considered the most dangerous (Wielawski 2011).

As a result, it seems that increased age can cause problems that affect driving. Age-related diseases and disabilities, such as slower reflexes and poor vision, do make driving difficult, and in general make elders more fragile. Loss of agility and increased frailty can make everyday activities like driving more dangerous. Transportation is necessary, however, for engaging in society. It’s reasonable to expect an elder to want to drive to and from places, even if it is dangerous – transportation is their independence. Therefore transportation services, like volunteer escorts, or taxis are extremely important. Public transportation can be can expensive for someone living on a fixed income, but there are many volunteer services available that can help people safely get to wherever they need to go. Boston specifically does a great job of providing transportation options for people – being in the city is a huge advantage in that sense! I know that when I’m older I would want to have those transportation options if I ever felt uncomfortable about my driving abilities. So when considering the dangers of driving, it’s important to remember that there are always other options that could prove to be safer. It’s not worth the risk.

It is with great sadness that this week’s post shares the story of Bently the Beagle, who passed away unexpectedly on March 13th this year. Bently, a cuddly and lovable ball of delight and energy, was introduced to FriendshipWorks over 2 years ago when he became a certified PetPals volunteer. Bently and his owner Glenn Inghram, became involved with the program in the late summer of 2010. They began visiting Bishop Street Home in Jamaica Plain in January of 2011, and continued to visit ever since

During his time there, Bently never failed to make everyone smile – such was his gift. Glenn explained to me over the phone, “Bently was the epitome of the most outgoing and lovable beagle, just above and beyond the normal nature of beagles.” Beagles are already social dogs by nature, and Bently’s extra friendliness and zest for life was evident to everyone who met him. He adapted to new people and situations with ease, and loved having a group around him.

Every week when Glenn and Bently went to visit Bishop Street, Bently brought the gift of companionship to the formerly homeless elderly women that resided there. He loved to be given treats, and happily ate snack after snack given by the residents during the hours they visited. He made connections with everyone, particularly one lady named Ellen (name changed for confidentiality) who was struggling with medical issues and couldn’t hear well. Even when Ellen moved, her friends Glenn and Bently took the time to visit her in her new home. Bently’s visits were always the highlight of her day.

The vibrancy of life and pure love that Bently brought to all he encountered served as his clear message to the world. Bently wasn’t prone to bias or prejudices; he loved everyone unconditionally. Every time Glenn and Bently left Bishop House, Glenn would pick Bently up so he could go around the table and shake his paw “goodbye” with every person there. Bently treated everyone with the same enthusiasm and joy. Even on the streets, Bently would always greet whoever happened to be walking by. “It didn’t matter who it was!” Glenn commented with a chuckle. In a more serious train, he adds  “It’s human nature to be judgmental, but Bently’s spirit taught me that I shouldn’t live life like that. I should love who I’m with and enjoy each of life’s moments.”

And I believe 100% that that’s true. Bently got it right; life’s too short for judgments – we should love unconditionally and enjoy the little things. And even though Bently’s no longer with us, the essence of what he stood for, his memory and his spirit, still live on.

The Case of Mr. C: Why Medical Escorts Matter

After an outpatient surgical procedure, Judy arrived at the hospital to escort 90-year old Mr. C home. The surgery went well and Mr. C was ready to go home so he could relax and recover, but hospital staff said he could not leave. They insisted he needed to see a physical therapist, but this was the first time Mr. C had heard of such a thing. This puzzled him and Judy; Mr. C was disabled, had been for many years, and relied on mobility aides for walking. Yet only after his surgical procedure did anyone raise concern over how he would be able to function during recovery. Mr. C lived alone and would have no one to help him during his recovery.

Was his disability an afterthought? Not to Mr. C. He knew he could manage and recalled having a conversation about this very issue with his doctor before the procedure. The hospital staff, however, refused to let him leave. So, Judy and Mr. C waited, and waited, and waited. During this time, the she picked up his prescriptions, went over his recovery instructions with him, and kept Mr. C company. Judy also made sure hospital staff they didn’t forget the patient Mr. C was still waiting. He told her stories from his youth, his time fighting in World War II, and all the while said of this stressful situation, “Well, that’s just life – there are ups and downs. Better to be happy about it, so as not to make other people upset!” Three hours later they heard from the surgeon; Mr. C was right! He was free to go.

What could have been a long, stressful, and difficult 3 hours turned out to be a wonderful social interaction. The two learned a lot about each other and had a great conversation. And Judy did not waste the time they had. She got his prescriptions and reviewed his recovery instructions. Once they got the okay to leave, she accompanied him home safely and make sure he was comfortable before she left. A helping hand and a little patient advocacy in this situation prevented Mr. C from being left to wait alone, and possibly even longer due to lack of hospital staff communication and support.

No matter what unpleasant situation our elderly recipients find themselves in, they are all assured of a safe escort with a caring FriendshipWorks volunteer. Wait with you an extra 3 hours for a physical therapist that will never come? Help you pick up your prescriptions after surgery? Medical Escort volunteers are special kinds of people who take on the unexpected complications of our health care system with a smile.

Eva Monteiro and Suzanne Edwards

Eighty-Nine year old Eva Monteiro and Suzanne Edwards meet every Wednesday for lunch. They pack their own lunches and meet to discuss food and current events, and to enjoy each other’s presence. Eva is passionate about learning and teaching, and is urgent to share it with others. “The golden years can be a very difficult and lonely time for us,” she says. “I’ve accepted that I miss…being outside and being with other people.”

With great enthusiasm, she raises her eyes and talks about her vagrant childhood, her exposure to religion, and the urgency with which we all must live life. “We need to be critical of things – even of one another. Not in a derogatory way, but to really ask ourselves how we can improve things if no one calls attention to them? We need to help people and to share what we learn with others.”

When asked about FriendshipWorks, Eva rises a little from her seat and says, “FriendshipWorks is such a good thing for anyone to get involved in – to get to know one another and to keep them from becoming isolated.” She talks about the power of encouragement and the inspiration in a smile.

“Eva wanted a friend,” says Suzanne, “so I call her two or three times a week to talk. I just want to be a presence in her life – meet a need and be there if she wants someone to talk to. She’s a survivor – very courageous – and I enjoy her spirit…She touches everyone who knows her with her courage and determination, despite her aging and her physical limitations. She maintains a lively interest in the world and what’s going on. I’m not young myself, so I appreciate her spirit very much.”

Like old friends, they find gratification in silence and small pleasures. When asked about Eva, Suzanne says, “When you age and don’t have people in your life, you deteriorate. She needs a lot of attention. She’s had a hard life: she came from a family of twelve; got herself through nursing school. She worked hard all her life, never had a lot and she’s self-educated. She’s not about to give in. She recognizes that she needed contact with people and wasn’t afraid to ask for it. Her spirit is remarkable. We need to not be afraid to admit our own loneliness. I appreciate her honesty in acknowledging ’I need people.’”

- Interview by Angela Song, with Photography by Gail Rothenberg

Lil Ellington and John Fabiano

If there’s a common thread that ties together Lil Ellington’s experience with FriendshipWorks it would be shopping. Lil and her match, Marissa Sweazy, loved to spend time going through women’s magazines, gossiping and picking out their favorite items. Everyone loves shopping with their best friend, the person who you can goof around with and try on ridiculous things, and get the honest feedback no one else will give. Marissa and Lil did exactly that. They went shopping often and always had fun doing so. Even when Marissa had a baby and could no longer visit, and Lil became matched with John Fabiano, her joy of shopping was a cornerstone of the relationship, “although I promised John I wouldn’t make him go through the magazines,” concedes Lil with a grin.

Lil became involved with FriendshipWorks three years ago, when a service coordinator in her apartment told her about the Friendly Visiting Program. “I needed someone to help me read my mail,” explains Lil who is blind, “And to help me with my shopping.” The service coordinator suggested FriendshipWorks, and in came Marissa, a FriendshipWorks’ volunteer. The two met every week for three years, until Marissa had a baby in May.  “We’re very close,” says Lil, “and still keep in touch.” After Marissa had a baby and could no longer visit, John entered the scene as Lil’s new Friendly Visitor. Although John wasn’t Marissa, he and Lil built their own relationship that was just as strong as Marissa’s and Lil’s. John and Lil both live in the same neighborhood, and throughout the summer, the two would sit together and talk about the news, past experiences, up, downs – whatever they felt like discussing.

In October, Lil faced some serious health issues. She had a mastectomy and went through radiation treatment. Many of us know someone who has battled cancer and had chemotherapy treatment. There’s no doubt that it’s difficult to go through alone. Thankfully Lil didn’t have to. John was a true friend throughout the time Lil was sick. “It’s like I’m part of the family,” Lil jokes, but despite the joking tone, she speaks from her heart.

John, and his wife Molly, celebrated Lil’s birthday recently, taking her out to dinner like old friends do, and Marissa and Lil frequently talk on the phone. “They’re both very supportive,” says Lil, and as she talks you can hear how much she cares for them in her voice. John and Marissa’s actions are clear indicators of how much they care about her too.

And, of course, Lil still continues that shopping trend, taking John with her. If that’s not a sign of true friendship, who knows what is.